Things we lost in the fire

There are those days in which you just want to lie down in a corner and die silently. Make no final statement, look for nobody, share nothing - just go away and stay away. Anything to make the noise stop - not the abstract voices, not the imaginary voices, but the very real ones of the people around you. Asking things from you, making claims from you, having expectations from you, demanding you to be perfect and yelling if you are not, blaming you for being whatever you are. Ripping you off for not living by their standards and trying to recompose you into something that you are not. Pushing you into the matrix of what they programmed you to be, without caring that you do not fit in there, reproaching you every step you imperfectly make, any attitude you might have that does not fit the pattern. In a very simple Pavlovian manner, they reward and punish your behaviour - you are supposed to drool every time to bell rings. "This is the dogma, these are the requirements. Live by them, or thou shall be punished. The Inquisition sleeps in your bed."

I am not perfect. Fuck you all, all those you want me to be what you expected me to be. I am not THIS or THAT. Yes, I am imperfect and yes, I make mistakes. So what? Life is flexible, you build it as you go... why would I try to live it your way? Is my way perfect? Who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares... I am happy with what I am and I do not want to take YOU, all of YOU and any of YOU anymore.