November rain

It's pretty windy outside and I can smell winter. While ago, you could smell it also... and funny, I just realized I never knew your favourite season. Of course I didn't, since I never asked... I owe you what I am today and yet, there are so many things I didn't ask, I didn't say. I mostly remember you old and I wish I knew more about you. But hell... you were for granted and you were supposed to be forever there. I had all the time in the world to talk to you, but not then - then I was young and exploring the world... there was never a time to talk, a time to listen. Looking back, I know so little about you as a person. I only now you as Matty, as my grandfather... I remember very few instances from the times I was a little girl, most of my memories are those of a teenager - rebellious, all-knowing and as assertive as possible... and in those moments I remember you the most: calm, supportive and never preventing me to explore - the world, myself, my limits.

I am what I am today because of you... because of how you raised me, because of what you taught me without words, but with love and tenderness. It's sad, however, that I never told you how much I love you... because I never realized it. It was there, but it never found the words and the moments to be said - and this is what I regret the most. I know you knew, but it still had to be told... so I am telling it now, hoping that somehow, somewhere, you are able to hear:

Happy birthday, Matty. I love you :)